Fake Intelligence

I realize that I had a personality that revolved around being smart. That I was able to learn things fast and didn't need to make much effort to learn things or get "good" grades. I mean, it is a good thing to praise someone's ability to grasp things easily, but, when the same thing is validated by the teachers, the family and everyone else—it doesn't take long to believe that you are special, and you can do what nobody can do. Understand everything with little to no efforts.

Basing your personality on being smart will only push you back. Few months to whole years. That is, until you realize that it wasn't the correct thing to base a personality on. When I didn't get the things on one go, I neglected it by saying that I wasn't focused that time, promised to look at it again and never looked back with the fear that I might not get it in one go. I am studying engineering, not that easy to understand on one go.

I only took part in things I already knew and ignored everything else that I didn't know. That is how I managed to fail most of the semesters of my engineering degree, I wouldn't read the books because failing by not reading was much easier than failing by trying. I could say to myself, "If I had read I would have passed, it is just because I chose to not read." Yeah, I sounded that stupid. It was a threat to my own identity; I was supposed to be smart, why was I struggling.

I would avoid difficulty instead of leaning into it and learning from it.

Thinking that I was better than other people, I would not respect the ones who studied day and night to pass. I would say, I could understand things once I read it, they need to grind. This is how toxic one could get when the whole personality is based on one thing, "being intelligent/smart." I think "Inside Out: 2" touches on this concept very well.

I only realized that it needs hard work at the end of my bachelor year, while failing most previous ones. One day or another it needed to happen, It is almost too late, but I should be thankful to myself for not letting it go further. I still don't want to fail Who Does?, but if I fail, I will know why instead of it being my arrogance of being "intelligent, which I am not.

I have protected my identity of being a smart kid for so long, I am not a kid anymore and I don't care for being smart anymore. At least not that kind of smart. While everyone was struggling and learning about things, I was locked inside my comfort zone. I am no longer wearing a mask of fake intelligence now, I am struggling, and it's a good thing. I hope others like me realize this soon enough. That is also a reason why I am writing this.

When you get praised for being smart, what people are actually praising is effortless success, not hard work. This needs to change.