Quiet

I was quiet for two days, not because I didn't feel like writing, because I was writing a poem but decided to give up. It didn't feel good to write about rage, about hatred. I have always tried to see the good qualities in people. Everyone believes that they are good people in their mind. Nobody [Maybe some, but mostly nobody.] does something because they feel that they are bad, and they need to keep it that way.

I still like seeing the good in people no matter how they are depicted by the society or a group. Though I have realized that looking at the bads of people is necessary too. Also, the idea of good and bad is subjective to individuals. Something that I find to be "good" may be "bad" in the eyes of others.

For example; I find the idea of using the modern social media to be bad, but there are people who will defend using these media against the problem of FOMO and relevance. [And looking from their glasses, I can see that I miss out a lot of context in people's conversations just because I don't use what they do.]

I feel the need of remaining quiet. Just to soak everything up, to listen and analyze the context. I feel the need of being quiet and stop talking about the lives of other people. I know that we are social creatures and, especially humans, we crave connection and validation. That's why we talk, we share our point of views, mostly to people that we know will like our view, or so-called good people [I being one.] who won't feel the need to object the opinion to hurt other's feelings.

I have always said that I am a man of science, I look at the facts, the truths, I like to look people in context of the human psychology instead of something like spirituality. I tend to prioritize facts over feelings, but since I am a human myself and, I am going through a phase where my brain is constantly remembering the memories which when I think about logically should be something to be forgotten or ignored. I have come to the realization that we are not completely in control of ourselves.

We tend to do things that might hurt others, subconsciously. It just happens. Sometimes seeing someone hurt gives a feeling of validation [Like, they deserved it.] instead of feeling bad about something bad happening to them and you being its cause. I have some very bad opinions about some people, which may be true in the context of me, but for anyone who isn't related to it, it doesn't matter. And I try to remain quiet about those things, and saying my opinions to people about other people. [Which I mostly fail to do, because when the feelings hit, I just can't stop.] I debate with myself about what is right and what is wrong but at the end, I end up in rage and anger and to minimize it I seek validation and the quietness in me just disappears.

[To be quiet is never to ignore something, it's to take it in and not let things out.]

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[Hence, I need to respect my own definition and learn to be quiet.]