Two Dreams a Day

For someone who never saw dreams at all I mean this in a literal sense (in sleep). I have been seeing two dreams a day. How do you know when you transition from one dream to another, you ask? I sleep almost the next day that is 00:00 at midnight and I had put an alarm for 5:30 so that I wake up early. But, 5~ hours of sleep is not enough, and I always turn my alarm off at 5:30 and sleep again. So, from 00:00–05:30 I will be seeing one dream Which I most of the time don't remember. and from 05:30–08/09:00 I dream about something horror/horrible because I sleep with a guilt that I should not have slept. I don't keep remembering these dreams I see, but I know that the morning dreams are almost always something horror.

Well, from the above text you already know that I am suffering from stage 3 procrastination. Don't search about it, I made it up. I procrastinate waking up as well. I consciously know that the thing I am doing is not good but, I still procrastinate.

A day has 24 hours and keeping at least 6.5 hours for sleep, the day time is 17.5 hours, which I waste each day every day by procrastinating. Sometimes I sleep at day even after sleeping 9 hours from 00:00 to 09:00 just because I know that I have to do something but don't have the will power to do it. I just give up and sleep. Another way to ignore things is to watch endless feeds, shorts, even YouTube videos, or frkn start watching a series or a movie.

I realize that I have time, but I don't use it. I don't utilize it. I have time to do almost anything I want from exercising, to going to walk, to writing something, to practicing programming, to tinkering Linux to studying. I have the time to do all these things and still have time to do extra things. theoritically

Brain rot! It is a problem, I am addicted to my devices, if I turn one off I need to turn another on. I need to. Even when going for a walk, I keep checking my steps on my phone. Which, though is normal, feels bad still. Some podcast playing, some music in the background, at least something that keeps me stimulated, I need that. I realize it, I try to fix it, and I get withdrawals. I need to replace these habits with some healthy alternatives.

FOMO, is the main thing reason/excuse to keep using these feeds, from YouTube or even mastodon. Even though there is nothing new, I keep on scrolling to find if something new comes up. I do find new things each day but finding them doesn't spark joy. I just find them and move on to searching the next new thing. It's endless.

I think I need to stop fearing and just miss out on things. Adapt a more healthy way of finding new thing from my friends or people I follow instead. To just miss out would be difficult, but I feel it is necessary. I have accumulated enough new things that I feel like I need to choose some and master them and just miss out on other things. I feel like I need to stop giving in on the algorithms and start missing out. I do know that I miss out on so many trends, just because I don't use Facebook or Instagram or Twitter for that matter. But, even beyond those, I am addicted.

Hopefully, I canI will! change like I always say I will. I want to stop falling to the same traps again and again and I want to stop making the same mistakes again and again.

STOP! MAKING! THE! SAME! MISTAKES! AGAIN! AND! AGAIN!