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So, it's 2082 B.S. Not Bullshit, Bikram Sambat, like AD but for Nepali Calendar. I am living in the same age as you are, not the future. This is just our calender system. And I wanted to write some clean slate style text here.

I have had a love hate relationship with love and hate. I have been through loving and hating and finally being indifferent to the same person. Though, if you graphed the time I spent loving to hating, the hating part would be negligible. But it is still hating, and it should count. Well, on that note, I treated "relations and the things we do in it" like a barter system, like, I thought I deserved the same amount of love in return for what I gave. Love is unexhaustive, or is it? That's a topic for some other day. I mean, I believe the same "belief" I had about love similar to barter system, that, people deserve the same love they give to others was why she "loved" me. Now, I don't know it was love or just a barter return. It may be the same thing as falling in love with a character of a series.

You love what you can predict.

Humans are unpredictable creatures, no one knows what's going on other peoples mind. So, to fall in love or to be able to predict that the person will not hurt you or listen to you or whatever you think a person should do when they love you, is almost impossible. And the fact that there should be a two-way situation for the thing I just described makes it even more impossible. So, is love impossible? You might say that it's not. And yes, people still fall in love. So, what is it? It's a compromise between two people to forgive the unpredictability in the hope that they will be predictable again.

You love until you can control.

Then again, there is unconditional love. "Unconditional" being the condition for love, which people don't realize. How do you forgive a person in the hopes that they won't do the same thing that you think is wrong, again? It's when you can relate to a person, their experiences, their thoughts because you feel like they'd understand what you feel and what you go through things. You fall in love with the hope of being understood.

You love the part of yourself in them.

That being said. You can't understand other people and when you think that you finally found someone whom you think you understand, you love them. When you understand what makes them happy or what hurts them. This again feels like loving what you can predict because you can only predict what you understand.

You love what you understand.

Maybe my version of love is selfish. Maybe it's not good to expect anything from the people you love. But then again, if love was about comfort, why would it take a lot of effort? Why would someone show effort to show love? Why would it come with the responsibility toward them? Why would loving someone hurt?

You love what loves you back.

Coming back to loving a part of yourself in them, you love the part of them you wish you had in yourself. You love what you think would complete you. You love...This is stopping to make sense the more I write, but I'll keep writing

You love what you want as your own.

Well I talked a lot about "you" now let me talk about "me".

You love yourself.

And the thing that I hate the most is the fear of losing what I love. And the constant reminder of the fact that you'll always lose the one you love.

You hate what you can't have.

I love shiny new things but, shiny things doesn't remain new forever and not all new things remain shiny forever.

I really didn't want to conclude this but, You can only love what you can respect and when you don't have to compromise on what you choose to respect.

You love when you choose to love.

Happy New Year!